Quatre Rondeaux
In Amsterdam (Rondeau)In Amsterdam you can't be small,somehow you gotta look quite tall.So she's resorted to high heels,this shortish girl: she almost reels--as though she's gonna twist, and...
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Hi Amsterdam! This is MUCH better than the last.I'd make a few changes.I think you should put a comma between "plodding" and "trodding"."it's walking with a drawlin Amsterdam."--I only know 'drawl'...
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Hiya Gail,Thanx! Done!Good luck with your Rondeau!Greetings, Crispin
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P.S. Here's some helpful info on the Rondeau.www.public.asu.edu/~aario...page6.html
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"The Music School" (Rondeau)The music school was worse than schoolitself, the lukewarm piano stoolstill hot with previous exercise:a music lover's paradisewhere hellish terror seemed the rule.I cursed...
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to tool:"to impress letters or designs on (leather, a book cover, etc.) with special tools"Does this work?
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hi!- Yes, it works. "My teacher may have been a mule," "The music school was worse than school" --Doesn't sound terriffic, though. I think it's the word 'school'?Thanks for the link! Gail
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Hiya Gail,Thanx for the comments!Re: "The music school was worse than school"Please don't overlook the line's enjambment!The whole sentence is as follows:"The music school was worse than school /...
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The Happy Hour (Rondeau)The happy hour fills the placewith couples and the like: they facea coffeeshop and library,in perfect peace and harmonyeach lighter on Pandora's case.No threat of rain that...
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Crispin, I see absolutely nothing that should/could be changed in either the 2nd or 3rd stanza. The 1st, isn't quite right, to me, but I only read it once, so I'll get back to it later. I'm pressed...
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hi Crispin!Okay, now that I've read "The Happy Hour" a few more times, I'd change "with couples happy too to face" to perhaps with 'happy couples face to face' and "an hour love verse have a case."...
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Hiya Gail,Thanx ever so much for commenting!I've rewritten the first stanza of "The Happy Hour".Former version:"The happy hour fills the placewith couples happy too to facea coffeeshop and libraryin...
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Hello Dutch Crispin!I like the new version. It's a little more casual and the reference to Pandora, and her box, adds a touch of whimsy! I liked In Amsterdam the best of the three. It's one of those...
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Hi there!Thanx!! Yeah, writing In Amsterdam was GREAT fun -- and I think it shows! Have a nice weekend!~ Crispin
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Medicine Woman(Patrician Rondeau)It has been raining all day long,a spent refrain in some bland song.Please! Help me make it through this day,just being there, not much to say,with medicine that won't...
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DC,"and to outlive what dings the dong"--this is a great line! Made me think of Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town -- (my personal favorite of all time)Gail
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at least for real,droll too, it's walking with a crawlin Amsterdam.I like it right down to this part;Maybe it could be:at least its real,droll too, it's walking with a sprawl?in Amsterdam.
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Hiya Tony!Thanx! Good points! I've revised accordingly, albeit with some additional modification!Old version:"Her highest heels can't fail to callattention, like a chain and ball!Her raised behind has...
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